Monday, 13 August 2012
How I see myself
She doesn't have a stillborn baby.
She doesn't have grief.
Sometimes I feel like she went off to live another life. A happier life. A lighter life. More successful. More confident. More determined.
Some days, that is how I still see myself. I wonder, where did she go...?
It is not just my baby boy who has taken on a "what could have been" life. But it is me, too.
I don't know exactly where the wrinkle in time took place, and I went one way, and she went another.
Here, in what is real, I try to splice it all together. Make it all one life. No trading. No do overs. Just one happy life.
That is me. Staring into my father's eyes behind the lens... knowing all things are possible - in the best imaginable way.