It's just been awful. And I tell ya, there's nothing like getting sick to make you feel like losing your baby is the most unjustifiable, sad, life ruining, horrible thing that's ever happened to you... all over again. I just feel like I cant catch a break. How can I be this sick, AND have my baby die? It's just not fair...
Care here in Canada is very different than in the U.S.A. Health care is "free" and seeing doctors of your choice isn't all that easy. I don't even know who I need to see... and what kind of care I'll need after having a stillbirth.
Ah, I'm all over the place here. I'll just spit out what my concerns are...
The only people I have to talk to about becoming pregnant are my GP and my grief counsellor. They continue to tell me that when the time comes, they'll refer me to the "best" there is out there.
When I asked about having a consultation... or "meet and greet", I was told I'd have to get the hardest part out of the way first, which is getting pregnant and staying pregnant.
When I was told who I'd probably be referred to if I make it out 6-7 weeks with the next pregnancy... I looked him up. We'll call him Dr. S.
Dr. S is a perinatal specialist. That's... good... right?
I put his name into a "rate your doctor" site. 38 out of 40 comments came out good. But I read in between the lines in the good comments... and it turns out he doesn't really look after the health of the mother as a regular OB would. Maybe I'm wrong...? I was reading lots of ladies commenting that they had to go to their regular OB for the 6 week postpartum, and that he doesn't check the baby after it's born (???)
When I was pregnant with Alexander, my OB told me that I had 2 options for the birth plan. She could check him over, and be the first to give him his bill of health, or I could request whomever I chose to be his pediatrician come at delivery, and give the bill of health. (And what is also kind of ... unfavourable... is that my GP - who is NOT a pediatrician - would by default become my child's doctor. Only if there is something that deemed my child 'at risk' would he then have to be referred to a pediatrician).
It seems as though the Canadian health care system, as free as it is, is very limiting. Everything is based on referrals. And bottom line... you just don't get the best care unless you absolutely fight for it tooth and nail.
And it could be unfair to say "Canadian". I might just be pigeonholed here in Ontario. My social worker used to live and work in Montreal and she's the first to tell me that things are very different here. I noticed that too when I took that fall last year while on business. The doctors and nurses in that Quebec hospital were... better? (sorry ON docs).
So, if I go with Dr. S next time around... will I still need an OB for myself? Or just a gynecologist? I need to find a doctor that offers both mother and baby care. And from the reviews on Dr. S, it didn't sound like he specializes (or offeres) both.
I read one women say that Dr. S doesn't do any cervical exams nearing term. And, AND! He doesn't swab for GBS... the patient had to do an 'at home' swab and bring it to the lab. (???)
(and the biggest thing that's got me all in a fuss is that I read several reviews from women where Dr. S performed unnecessary episiotomies to "help things along" with labour, and the women were left with very ouchy type complications after birth, and went on to deal with months of postpartum discomfort. And when these women had follow up's with regular OB's and GP's regarding their new found
Honestly, if I could replicate my birth experience with Alexander but replace him being dead with him being alive... that's exactly what I want next time around. Nobody pushed me into doing anything I didn't want to. Nobody told me I wasn't doing a good job, or that I had to do something differently. Everyone was so sweet and understanding, and anything and everything I did was absolutely fine with them. I was induced and in labour for 9ish hours... and then I pushed for 20 minutes. I didn't need anything cut, or vacuumed, or clamped. I had quite a few stitches, but the doctor who cleaned me up took her time, and was very detail oriented (I could have sworn she was knitting me sweater down there). I healed well, and didn't get any infections or walk away with any complications. It was absolutely perfect. I just had a dead baby. Pretty much the ONLY thing that matters when you walk away from it all, I didn't get. But I couldn't ask for anything better regarding the rest of the birthing experience.
I don't want to say I'd want it all to go differently to have a live baby. I would if that meant I'd get one. But I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared shitless about everything else going AWOL while trying to birth my next child.
Yes, I'll do anything and everything the doctor tells me if that means we get the kid out alive.... but is it completely selfish of me not to want to be put through some unnecessary manhandling (of my lady bits) while in the process? Maybe I'm just sick right now, and all I can think of is the worst... but I feel like I'm going to be put through an inevitable hell while in the hands of the "high risks" to get this next baby here alive.
I can just imagine some sinister, all-important high risk doctor with his head buried deep in between my thighs with a pair or scissors while I'm pushing my damndest to get the next baby out.
"Do you want this baby out alive???? Then let me cut up your vagina to the point where you'll never be able to pee the same again!! Ha-HA!" snip snip snip snip...
God, you'd think I'd make it out of a trimester or two in a subsequent pregnancy before senselessly worrying about this stuff.
So if there's anyone from Canada, specifically ON, who has made it to the other side with another child (or is making it now) after a loss... how did you do it? How are you doing it now? I just cant seem to find any "right" way to go about this. I really feel the system has left me to fend for myself, and even when faced with options... I still feel lost.
Were you able to call the shots, and switch doctors, and get matched with the best fit for yourself? Please email me. I've read on so many U.S ladies having subsequent pregnancies, and it seems there are a lot of hands in the pot to ensure you have a living baby at the end. For anyone outside of Canada and the US... how did it work for you? Was there a detailed protocol for getting your babies out alive?
I know this is a really whiny post. But being sick sucks. And trying to figure out anything while you're sick is nearly impossible. I just need some comfort right now...and I'm turning to my BLM's for any feedback and support.
And to get something off my chest...most people who work reception at doctors offices are bitches. yeah. I'm gonna say it. They're all impatient, absent minded, clueless... and they don't listen. I hate them all right now.
Side note: Please excuse any grammatical, punctuation, or spelling errors. I've had a lot of NeoCitran over the past 6 days. I'm proud I can still spell my name.