It is 7 months today. (Is it really?)
I haven't forgotten. I will admit... I took notice later in the day while glancing at my phone while running an errand. It's been busy around here.
We have a wedding to go to tomorrow. We were supposed to be packing you up, making sure we have every possible thing we might need for an out of town, 2 night stay for our little one. Instead, I will bring my heavy heart, wondering how on earth it is you are not here.
I will be missing your 7 month old self this weekend as I make my way through long lost friends and family. You were to be so perfectly positioned on my hip as I catch up with about a hundred new people.
What have I been up to lately? Why, he's right here...
Kiss, wipe, drool, pinch and repeat with all the guests.
***
Help me through this babe. I'm missing you as you slip into my past. Into my used to be life.
Soon, I'll put up pictures of me with you in my belly. I've been wanting to show you off to all the new wonderful people I've been meeting. I want to share you and show how I used to glow.
I still glow now because of you... but it is in a completely different way.
I try not to let the misery of missing share too much company these days. For all our sakes.
I love you, my little bunny. I get angry, frustrated, fed up, confused, and I downright lash out at what happened to you... but My Love for you is unchanged. I miss everything about you while you were in my swollen belly...jabs and hiccups and your midnight soccer practice... but more so... I miss everything you were supposed to be in my life today.
Love your one and only,
Mom xox
I'll be thinking of you as you navigate the celebration this weekend. Interacting with others can be so hard, trying to find that balance between enjoying yourself, hating being there, smiling when necessary, wanting others to acknowledge how hurt you are but not wanting to share all the crazy.
ReplyDeleteThinking of you this weekend. I wish it were so different for you. I hope you manage to take care of yourself as we'll as being supportive for your family. Seven months is a tricky time--so long without him and yet barely anytime at all. Sending much love.
ReplyDeleteevery month it is hard for adifferent reason. It is hard when events you anticipated doing as a family of 3. Sending you a giant hug and missing Alexander with you.
ReplyDeleteOh, Veronica. We were with family, too, this weekend, and I should've been introducing my second daughter to her great-grandmother for the first time. I wish Alexander was with you at the wedding, and always.
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